I'm about to enter the world of bug
我即将进入一个
chasing an extreme sexual fetish in
追逐极端性恋物癖的虫子世界，在这个世界里，
which people actively seek out
人们会积极寻找
HIV if you hav medicated you're going to
艾滋病毒，如果你服用药物，你就会
get ill and die this remains one of the
生病并死亡，这仍然是
most secretive and closed sexual fetish
最隐秘和封闭的性恋物癖
communities yes HIV is treatable but
社区之一，是的，艾滋病毒就是 可以治疗，但这
it's for life I really really want to
是终生的，我真的很想
find out if this is just Urban myth
知道这是否只是网上的都市神话
online fantasy or if it's actually
幻想，或者它是否真的
happening in real
发生在现实
life oh is that him there you're right I
生活中哦，他在那里吗，你是对的，我
feel implicated in the act in some way
觉得在某种程度上参与了这一行为，
and if they are doing it in real life I
如果他们是 在现实生活中这样做我
want to know why you would go out and
想知道为什么你会出去
actively seek an illness that if left
积极寻找一种疾病，如果
untreated could actually kill
不治疗的话实际上可能会杀死你
[Music]
[音乐]
you I was diagnosed with HIV when I was
我在16岁时被诊断出患有艾滋病毒
16 I've lived with a lot of secrecy and
我生活在很多秘密和
shame about that for a long time and
耻辱中 很长一段时间以来，
then I've been a HIV activist for like
我一直是一名艾滋病毒活动家，
the last 5 years loud and proud shouting
from the rooftops trying to SM smash
在屋顶上大声而自豪地喊叫，试图打破
that stigma you know change perceptions
这种耻辱，你知道，改变了人们对
of what it means to be HIV positive
艾滋病毒呈阳性意味着什么的看法，
that's included my role as Donald Basset
这包括我的角色 正如剧中的唐纳德·巴塞特（Donald Basset）那样，
in the drama it's a sin can you imagine
你能想象人们发现这是一种罪恶吗？
people found out and I've even written
我什至
and performed two plays about my HIV
写了两部关于我的艾滋病故事的戏剧，
story I first heard about this bug
chasing fetish about 10 years ago when
大约10年前，当
someone messaged me on a hookup app and
有人在一个联播应用程序上给我发消息时，我第一次听说了这种追虫癖。
asked me if I would give them my HIV and
问我是否愿意将艾滋病毒传染给他们，
I remember at the time feeling a little
我记得当时感到
bit freaked out by that since then I've
有点害怕，从那以后我
heard more rumors about this fetish
听到了更多关于这种恋物癖的谣言，
where people try and intentionally catch
人们试图故意感染
HIV the Chasers and other people stop
艾滋病毒，追逐者和其他人停止
taking the medication so they can pass
服用药物 这样他们就可以将
on the virus the
病毒传播给
gifters so my first step is to
送礼者，所以我的第一步是
infiltrate some of these book Chasing
渗透到网上的一些书籍追逐
communities online and see if I can find
社区，看看我是否能找到
someone who will meet me in real life
在现实生活中遇到我的人，
right so I'm going to show you a forum
所以我将向您展示一个论坛，
it's really popular with bug Chasers
这真的很不错
once you're a member you can start a
一旦你成为会员，你就可以开始一个
topic and yeah people can discussed your
话题，是的，人们可以讨论你的
topic saw an ad a while back for a PA
话题，不久前看到了一则 PA
Cruise seems like it could be a fun and
Cruise 的广告，看起来这可能是一种有趣而
effective way to get Knocked Up you
有效的方式，让你
yourself are unmedicated already of
自己不吃药就一夜大醉
course and to get and recharge is so
当然，获得和充电是如此
stimulating if you even medicated you're
刺激，如果你甚至服用药物，你
going to get ill and die you'll find
就会生病并死亡，你会发现
that a lot of people once they have
很多人一旦
managed to become HV positive they don't
成功成为 HV 阳性，他们就不会按照
take AR medication their wish is to to
自己的意愿服用 AR 药物 是
pass from from AIDS literally spend all
从艾滋病中度过的，实际上花费了我
all my Waking Life like going what could
所有醒着的生活，就像
I do to stay alive I've crashed a few P
我能做些什么来维持生命一样，我已经参加了几场
only parties at one I had to pretend I
只有P的聚会，我不得不假装我
was paused to get in which itself was
停下来参加，这本身就是
such a rush guess there was toxic PC
一种匆忙 我猜肯定涉及有毒电脑，
involved for sure you can see there's
你可以看到
like risk involved here like the thrill
这里涉及风险，比如刺激，
this is a party for HIV positive men a
这是一个艾滋病毒阳性男性的派对，一个
great sex night well we all want to have
很棒的性爱之夜，我们都想拥有
that but this seems like a real
这个，但这似乎是一个
disconnect hosted by porn guy he also
由色情男主持的真正的脱节，他 还发了
tweets things like C and get paused like
类似 C 的推文，然后暂停了，就像
I want to grab people and go do you
我想抓住人然后走你
realize like what it what it's like to
知道吗，感染
live with HIV I going to get upset now
艾滋病毒是什么感觉，我现在会感到不安，
devastated my life 15 years of like
毁了我的生活，15 年的
proper secrecy and shame
适当保密和羞耻，
and I'm not upset because people are
我 不是因为人们
doing this or they're stuck in this
这样做或者他们被困在这个
world I'm upset because I'm like what's
世界上而感到不安 我之所以感到不安是因为我喜欢正在发生的事情
going on why do we feel so about
为什么我们对自己如此感觉
ourselves that we want to do this to
以至于我们想对自己这样做
ourselves let's take a break let's take
让我们休息一下 让我们
a break get us go make c a tea and cuz
休息一下 让我们去泡杯茶吧，因为
yeah it's intense but I mean well done
是的，这很激烈，但我的意思是，
for going through all of
完成所有
that okay so bit of a breakthrough
这些都做得很好，所以
overnight producer Louie has been
一夜之间取得了突破，制片人 Louie 已被
accepted into a secret bug chasing group
接受加入一个
on an encrypted messaging app called
名为 telegram 的加密消息应用程序上的秘密 bug 追踪小组，
telegram the conversation is really
对话是 真的很
explicit and some of the the photos are
露骨，有些照片
very explicit okay um I'm ready so what
非常露骨，好吧，嗯，我准备好了，所以
do we to go to chat chat oh STD book
我们该去聊天聊什么啊，性病书
chases drunk and one HIV looking for be
追逐醉酒，一个艾滋病毒寻找
back tops to breed me while I am there
背上来繁殖我，而我在那里，
no Low's refused paw preferred you don't
没有低的拒绝爪子 最好你不想
want to look at this Peggy honestly you
看这个佩吉，老实说，你
must have your P dad wreck your hole
必须让你的P爸爸先用牙刷把你的洞弄坏，
with a toothbrush first make sure there
确保在
is blood before he you 23 years old p
他之前有血，你23岁的
pig with
猪，
600,000 viral load take and giving
病毒载量为600,000，拿走并给予
600,000 would be a lot you aim when you
600,000会很多 你的目标是当你的
T IV positive and a medication is to get
T IV 呈阳性并且药物是让它
it undetectable you want to actually
无法被检测到你想要真正
meet someone attat people so you I need
见到某人所以你我需要
to start interacting interacting great I
开始互动互动很棒我
asked this person why does being paus
问这个人为什么停顿
turn you on so much I think it's the
会让你如此兴奋我认为这是
taboo side and it's seen as sleazy I
禁忌 一边，它被认为是低俗的，我
said I want to be a no L's refused
说我想成为一个不被拒绝的人，
Cump I had this message from someone
我从一个和我交谈了一段时间的人那里得到了这条信息，
I've been talking to for a while have
you ever bred neg men so have I ever
你曾经养育过黑人，所以我有过
gifted and I've already told them that I
天赋吗？我已经告诉他们了 我
haven't it feels like they're getting
没有，感觉他们很
off on asking me that question normally
高兴地问我这个问题，通常
HIV has meant being ostracized and
艾滋病毒意味着被排斥和
rejected and now all of a sudden the
拒绝，现在突然
will be like I want it I'm like whoa so
间，我想要它，我就像哇，所以
he's just messaged me back and he said
他刚刚回复了我消息 他说
I'd be honored to be the first neg man
我很荣幸成为第一个被
you fill with your puz loads it makes me
你充满阴郁的人，这让我
feel strange because it makes me feel
感觉很奇怪，因为这让我觉得
like you want something from me but you
你想从我这里得到一些东西，但你
want something from me that's harmful
想要从我这里得到一些有害的东西，你想让
you want me to harm
我伤害
you stop checking your phone Daddy take
你 别再看你的手机了，爸爸带
us for a
我们去散步
walk
[音乐]，
it's really frustrating because it feels
这真的很令人沮丧，因为感觉
like I'm getting somewhere with people
好像我正在和人们一起去某个地方，
and then they just go quiet on
然后他们就在[音乐]上安静下来，
me am I ever going to get to speak to
我真的能和某人说话吗？
someone in real
life I think I need
生活 我想我需要
help and you're going to speak to Mich
帮助，你去年会和 Mich
Jamie last year I believe he did a
Jamie 谈谈，我相信他做了一篇
research paper on B say the V majority
关于 B 的研究论文，说 V 大多数
of people I've talked about this as part
人，我在
of my research it was a fantasy
我的研究中谈到了这一点，这是一个幻想
something that they would talk about
他们会在
online actually not to get HIV I found
网上谈论实际上不要感染艾滋病毒，我没有发现任何
no evidence that trly suggests that
证据表明
black chasing is a widespread phenomenal
追黑是
happening offline so if it is happening
在线下发生的一种普遍现象，所以如果它发生了，
you're saying it's probably like what
你会说它可能
like a tiny tiny percent 1% or a slice
就像一个很小的百分之一或一小部分
of 1% than 1% yeah
1% 比 1% 是的，
okay I think the thing I found most
好吧，我认为我发现最具
challenging there was was Jamie saying
挑战性的事情是杰米说，
if it does exist in real life it's like
如果它确实存在于现实生活中，就像
this tiny tiny tiny tiny tiny minority
这个微小的微小的少数，
it just means that it's hard to find
这只是意味着很难找到
them I've been thinking a lot overnight
他们，我一直在想
after speaking with Jamie and I've got
在与杰米交谈后的一夜之间，我真的
myself really really worried that I'm
非常担心我在
doing the wrong thing making this film
制作这部电影时做了错误的事情，
am I shining the spotlight in the wrong
我是否把聚光灯照射在了错误的
place people have used HIV to demonize
地方，历史上人们利用艾滋病毒来妖魔化
my community throughout history now I'm
我的社区，现在我
worried that I'm just going to give them
担心我会给他们
more ammo I need to talk to someone to
更多的弹药，我需要和某人谈谈，
sense check whether what I'm doing here
看看我在这里做的事情是否
is the right thing so I'm meeting my
正确，所以我要见我的
friend Michael also known as the drug
朋友迈克尔，也被称为
queen ched gorgeous I'm so glad you've
毒枭，非常漂亮，我' 我很高兴你
agreed to meet with me I feel like maybe
同意与我见面，我觉得也许
I'm doing something that is quite
我正在做一些非常
stigmatizing wanting to understand
侮辱性的事情，想要了解
something more is not the same as
更多的东西并不等同于
condemning or condoning like as a friend
像朋友一样谴责或纵容，
what do you really think about bug
你对用臭虫攻击你有什么看法 “我们
tasing you're talking about an activity
正在谈论一项对参与其中的人
that has profound implications for the
有着深远影响的活动
people involved but also it has a huge
，而且它对社区内的其他人也有巨大的
implication for everybody else within
影响，
the community what cheda said has put my
切达所说的让我
mind at ease a little bit what we do
放心了一点，我们
with our bodies does matter uh
对身体所做的事情确实很重要，尤其
especially when the stakes are so high
是当 风险如此之高，
what does it say about us as a community
if we see harm taking place and we just
如果我们看到伤害正在发生，而我们只是什么
do nothing still anxious still nervous
都不做，这对我们作为一个社区来说意味着什么仍然对
about what I might uncover but I'm
我可能发现的事情感到焦虑仍然紧张，但我
reassured that making this film is
确信制作这部电影很
important I've just got to keep going
重要我刚刚得到了 继续前进，
surely someone will speak to
肯定有人会跟
me is this a good omen the gay gods are
我说话，这是一个好兆头，同性恋之神正在
shining down on me please help me find
照耀着我，请帮助我找到
someone
一个人，
so I'm I'm just out at the Garden Center
所以我只是在花园中心，
very G um but I've just had a message
非常 Gum，但我刚刚经历了 来自与
from one of the people I was speaking to
我交谈的一个人的消息，
and they given me their phone on which
他们给了我他们的手机，里面的
is really exciting
音乐真的很令人兴奋，
so starting to feel quite anxious cuz I
所以开始感到很焦虑，因为我对
don't really know that much about him
他不太了解，
and he also doesn't want to be anonymous
而且他也不想成为 匿名，
which is worrying me a little bit cuz I
这让我有点担心，因为我
don't know whether he really thought
不知道他是否真的
about implications of that this matches
考虑过这与描述相符的含义，
the description okay let's do
好吧，让我们做
[音乐]，嗨，
this hi how you doing so what is it
你做得怎么样，
about HIV that you want to chase well
那么你想很好地追赶艾滋病毒吗？
the long story is I went to Amsterdam
长话短说，我去了阿姆斯特丹，
found this nice seedy little thing went
发现这个漂亮的破烂小东西
down the stairs and it was loads and
走下楼梯，里面有很多
loads of hot guys I gave one my phone
帅哥，我给了一个我的电话
number 3 days later I got home I've got
号码，三天后我回到家，我得了
AIDS ha haa I went okay hahaa how do you
艾滋病，哈哈，我没事，哈哈，怎么样 你
know I didn't want it when I got the
知道吗，当我收到短信时，我并不想要它，
text message I thought well quite like
我想，
that it's quite surprising for me to
hear someone say get a turn on have you
听到有人说“打开你的心”，你是否
ever been scared about HIV or no age is
曾经害怕过艾滋病毒或没有年龄
just like a flu age is just like well
就像流感年龄，这让我感到非常惊讶 就好像，
it's a little bit different to flu it
它与流感有点不同，它确实
does kill you it can but so can the flu
会杀死你，但如果
without treatment AIDS is guaranteed to
不治疗的话，流感也能杀死你，艾滋病肯定会
kill you whereas the chances of dying
杀死你，而死于流感的机会
from flu are much less well on that
在这一点上要小得多，
point you're correct but I mean 53 years
你是对的，但我 意思是我53
old I come to the point in life where I
岁了，我已经到了人生的阶段，我要做我
do what I want to do in terms of when
想做的事情，当
this thing opened up to you from this
这件事向你敞开心扉时，
text message you got from this guy did
你从这个人那里收到的这条短信中，
you then start actively seeking it out
你是否开始积极地寻找它，是
yes I went on two dark little websit
的，我继续 两个黑暗的小网站，是
that's around yeah even to the fact you
的，甚至事实上你
can go online and they'll send you their
可以上网，他们会把他们
supposed HIV C in a condom and you can
所谓的 HIV C 装在避孕套里寄给你，你可以
so people send it in the post put post
这样人们把它寄到帖子里，
have tried it once it hadn't worked we
一旦它不起作用我们就尝试过
should say that HIV doesn't survive very
应该说，艾滋病毒
long out of the
在体外无法存活很长时间，
body why can't you just take prep and
为什么你不能做好准备，
then sort of engage in this as a fantasy
然后将其作为一种幻想来参与，为什么
why does it have to be real if you're
如果你
going to do what you feel is right then
要做你想做的事，它就必须是真实的 那时
it should be real so prep is not on the
它应该是真实的，所以准备工作不在议程上，
agenda you don't you've never taken prep
你没有，你从未采取过准备工作，
will you take medication if you become
如果你成为艾滋病毒阳性，你会服用药物吗？
HIV positive I don't feel the need to
我不觉得有必要，
and I'll just be my normal self until I
我会做正常的自己，直到
can't carry on if you do get HIV you
如果你确实感染了艾滋病毒，我就无法继续下去了，你
will I'm going to be blood here with you
会的，我会和你一起流血，
you will die I'm prepared and ready for
你会死，我已经做好准备，
my time when it comes a person living
迎接
with
HIV is going to cost the NHS
艾滋病毒感染者将给国民医疗服务体系带来巨大损失的时刻。
significantly more money but I pay my
更多的钱，但我
money into the NHS all my life for
一生都在向国民医疗服务体系（NHS）
working if I need to be cared for about
工作，如果我需要被照顾的
inhs then I expect it to happen is it
话，我希望它会发生，这是
the ultimate submission is it like
最终的屈服，是不是就像
being submissive to to death does the
屈服于死亡，
fantasy to go that deep it will always
幻想有那么深吗？ 它会一直在
be there until you've got it I do worry
那里，直到你得到它，我确实担心，
I don't I want you to die it's quite
我不，我希望你死，这对
shocking and convincing for me but it's
我来说非常令人震惊和令人信服，但这是
your body it's not it's not mine it's
你的身体，不是它不是我的，这是
your life we're always going to have
你的生活，我们总是会有
difference of opinion even in the event
差异 即使
of myself getting HIV we would still
我自己感染了艾滋病毒，我们仍然
have a difference of opinion right it's
会有意见分歧，因为天气
freezing so I going to get off um but
很冷，所以我要下车了，嗯，但是
yeah thank you for speaking with me
谢谢你和我说话，
you're welcome see you later I'm a
不客气，稍后见，我有点
little bit Gob smacked and shook
傻
I did not expect that at all I felt like
我没想到
he had no shame about what he was doing
他对自己所做的事情并不感到羞耻，
he was so open and honest he didn't want
他是如此开放和诚实，他不想让
his face to be covered and I thought he
自己的脸被遮住，我认为他
might sort of skirt around some things
可能会回避一些事情，
and want one to answer some things and
想要一个人回答一些事情，
he answered everything is he kind of
他回答了一切，他有点
like my fate is sealed and that's what
像我的命运已经注定，这就是
I'm actively seeking I can't work out
我正在积极寻找的东西，我无法弄清楚
how much of that conversation was true
那次谈话有多少是真实的
and how much was just fantasy maybe even
，有多少只是幻想，甚至可能是在和他
speaking to me on camera was part of the
说话 镜头里的我是幻想的一部分
fantasy and I'm not quite sure how I
，我不太确定
feel about
that
对此有何感受哦，
oh hello hi missed
你好，你
you home at
终于想念你回家了，
last so meeting a chaser was really
所以遇见一个追逐者真的很
difficult but that's only part of the
困难，但这只是故事的一部分，
story who are the people on the other
谁是另一边的人
side of this the men who are giving the
其中，那些将
gift of HIV to people like the Chaser I
艾滋病病毒作为礼物送给像我刚刚遇到的追逐者这样的人的人，
just met I can't seem to wrap my head
我似乎无法理解
around this why would someone want to
为什么有人想要有意
intention pass on HIV most people like
传递艾滋病毒，大多数像
me who are HIV positive are taking
我这样的艾滋病毒呈阳性的人都在服用
medications so we can't pass it on and
药物 所以我们不能把它传递出去，
we're desperate not to this is the bit
我们不顾一切地不要这样做，这是
that I have been absolutely dreading but
我一直非常害怕的事情，但
I know if I'm going to understand I need
我知道如果我能理解，我需要
to suck it up and I need to speak to
忍住，我需要和
someone I need to change something in my
我需要的人谈谈 更改我的个人资料中的某些内容
profile to attract people who are
以吸引
gifting change your B to something like
送礼的人 将您的 B 更改为类似
okay Northern boy looking to be pused up
好的北方男孩看起来
cool okay well let's see what happens
很酷好的好吧让我们看看会发生什么现在
it's qu to 6 in the morning producer Lou
是早上 6 点制作人 Lou
called me late last night and told me
昨晚深夜打电话给我并告诉我
that he has a Le a gifter so off down to
他有一个送礼物的人，所以
London today to see if we can meet
今天去伦敦看看我们是否可以见到
them he's going to let us follow him to
他们，他会让我们跟随他去
one of his cruising spots the secret
他的一个巡航地点，一个秘密的
outdoor place he goes to have anonymous
户外地方，他会去那里
bearback sex with other
与其他
men a little bit nervous because shit's
男人进行匿名熊背性爱 有点紧张，因为事情
getting real don't know who this person
变得越来越真实，不知道这个人是谁，
is could be
anymore
when we are speaking to him and we're
当我们和他说话时，我们正在
we're filming if you feel uncomfortable
拍摄，如果你
at any point just tell us to stop
在任何时候感到不舒服，请告诉我们停止
filming and we will he's going to have
拍摄，我们会的 把
his face covered so you won't be able to
他的脸遮住，这样你就
see his
看不到他的
face I've just messaged him he's coming
脸了，我刚刚给他发了消息，他现在
over
过来了，
now oh is that him there it's got his
哦，他在那儿，他的
face covered it must be him you're right
脸被遮住了，一定是他，你是对的，是的，
yeah yeah fine yeah yeah yeah
很好，是的，是的 是的，
thank you for coming to meet me have you
谢谢你来见我，你
ever done anything like this before have
以前做过这样的事吗？
you ever spoken about so need to sort of
你有没有说过，所以需要
friends and part of the sort of
朋友和
community so you're HIV POS I am yes
社区的一部分，所以你是艾滋病毒感染者，我是的，
I've been positive for 18 months I'm
我已经18年呈阳性了 几个月来，我
very clear and open on my profile that I
在个人资料中非常清楚和公开地表明，我
am HIV positive and that I'm not a
是艾滋病毒呈阳性，而且我不是治疗艾滋病
medication for it I had been doing
的药物。我已经进行
unprotective bearback sex for about s or
无保护性的熊背性行为大约有
eight years it was always on my mind
七八年了，我一直在想
whether this would be the time I'd end
这是否会是 当我最终
up HIV positive I couldn't quite fully
呈艾滋病毒阳性时，
relax when I was having sex so in the
当我做爱时，我无法完全放松，所以
end I decided to actively Chase we'll be
最后我决定积极追逐我们将
going past the famous F tree Infamous
经过著名的F树臭名昭著的
the infamous Fu tree you often find that
臭名昭著的Fu树你经常发现
there are guys face down over the fu
有 男人们面朝下趴在福
tree with their trousers around their
树上，裤子绕在
ankles just waiting just waiting for
脚踝上，只是等待，只是等待
someone to come along if you're HIV
有人出现。如果你是艾滋病毒
positive you are supposed to inform your
阳性，你应该告诉你的
sexual partners of your status however a
性伴侣你的状况，但
lot of the people who are cruising don't
很多巡游的人并不这样做。 我
want to know there's a term called any
不想知道有一个术语叫做“任何
load
负载”，
taken have you had sex down here before
你以前在这里做过
maybe once or twice oh yeah I can see
一两次性行为吗？哦，是的，我可以看到
it's quite
它非常
secluded so I think the big question
僻静，所以我认为
I've got is why when I started doing
我遇到的最大问题是为什么当我开始
beack sex it was being let off the leash
做爱时它是 完全摆脱了束缚
all most and looking for everything and
，寻找周围的一切和
anything that was around because I'd LED
一切，因为
quite a closeted life up to that point
在那之前我过着相当封闭的生活，
do you know if you've actually
你知道吗，你是否真的
successfully gifted anyone has become
成功地给了任何人已经变得
positive I do what did that feel like
积极的我做了什么感觉就像
the first time it sort of almost felt
第一次感觉
like you know I've given them the
就像你知道我已经给了他们
present they've been wanting for a long
他们一直想要的礼物
time essentially what we're talking
本质上我们在
about here is giving someone an
这里谈论的是给某人一种
incurable illness so there is still
不治之症，所以仍然存在
quite a lot of risk involved here when
很大的风险 当
someone asked me to infect them I do
有人要求我感染他们时，我确实
have quite a long chat with them about
与他们进行了很长时间的交谈，讨论
potential consequences what getting
潜在的后果，让
themselves into you know have they
他们自己陷入困境，你知道他们是否
thought through every possible scenario
考虑过每种可能的情况，
are you still in contact with anyone
你是否仍然与任何已经
that has become positive a couple of
变得积极的
people this chat is in a couple of the
人保持联系 聊天是在几个群组中进行的，
groups and they messaged me and he asked
他们给我发了消息，他问
me if I was gift giving so I said I'll
我是否要送礼物，所以我说我
gift the guy he wanted me to pause was
送礼物给他想让我暂停的那个人，
actually his husband he wanted the
实际上是他的丈夫，他希望
scenario to be someone else coming in
场景是其他人进来，然后
and making his husband positive yeah
让他的丈夫呈阳性 是的，
that was an interesting
one every single day for the last 5
在过去 5
years I have shouted from the roof TOS
年里，这是一件很有趣的事情，我每天都在屋顶上大喊 TOS，
about breaking down the stigma trying to
要打破耻辱，试图
reduce Transmissions trying to stop
减少传播，试图阻止
people getting HIV and it feels like
人们感染艾滋病毒，感觉就像
what you're doing is diametrically
你正在做的事情是 与
opposed to that you're actively actively
你积极主动地这样
doing that what's your response to that
做截然相反，你对此有何反应：
there are people who will do whatever
有些人会做任何他们
they want to do no matter how much
想做的事，无论
they're aware of the risks there'll
他们对风险有多少了解，总会
always be people who the fetish part of
有人对其中的迷恋部分
it is so much that they do it if you
太多了，如果你
were down in a place like this cruising
在这样的地方巡航，
and you in the moment someone you've not
而你在某个你不认识的人的那一刻，
yeah you would tell them that you're
你会告诉他们，
positive before you in the vast majority
在绝大多数情况下，你是积极的，
of cases yes when people are bent over a
是的，当人们弯曲时 越过一
tree wanting to be fued they don't ask
棵树想要被激怒，他们不会问
any questions and people will just go
任何问题，人们只会继续
ahead makes me really uncomfortable to
前进，这让我真的很不舒服，因为
think that people put themselves through
想到人们让自己经历了
that the light is fading rapidly so
光线正在迅速消失，所以
we're going to head back to the car I
我们要回到车上，我
think I'll go for a bit of a
想 我会去
cruise the heart's pounding and it's
巡游一下，心跳加速，而且
also getting a bit cruy around
here found that conversation really
这里也变得有点奇怪，发现谈话真的真的
really difficult now he's out there
很困难，现在他
potentially having unprotected sex with
可能在外面与某人发生无保护的性行为，
someone really doesn't feel like fantasy
真的不再感觉像幻想了，
anymore it feels really really really
感觉真的真的
real I've not got a problem with
真的，我对巡航没有任何问题，
cruising like people have sex outside
就像人们一直在外面做爱一样，
all the time but I don't know this just
但我不知道这只是
feels Next Level he has just confessed
感觉下一个级别，他刚刚向
to me that consent is assumed when he's
我承认，当他
out cruising so potentially he's out
外出巡航时，就假定同意，所以他可能会在
there with someone who doesn't know he's
那里与 一个不知道自己感染
HIV positive I feel implicated in the
艾滋病毒的人，我觉得自己
act in some way what can I do I can't
在某种程度上与这个行为有牵连，我能做什么，我不能
run out sh stop for Christ's sake this
跑出去，看在上帝的份上，停下来，这
makes me feel really uncomfortable oh
让我感到非常不舒服，哦，
hang on is that is this him
等等，这就是他
yeah any luck quite a lot of people but
是的，运气好，很多人，但
uh not a lot happening this issue of
呃，没有太多发生这个
around consent if someone was lay there
同意问题，如果有人躺在那里，
would you go down and would you tell
你会下去吗？
that person if they say no loads refused
如果他们说没有负载拒绝，你会告诉那个人吗？
there's the assumption that they would
假设他们会很
be happy to be foxed by POS guys
乐意成为 被 POS 人员、
negative guys and it's a r that they
消极的家伙欺骗了，他们
would take for me it feels uncomfortable
会认为这是我的，
to say this person has consented to this
说这个人已经同意了，这感觉很不舒服，
because I don't think they have you do
因为我认为他们没有让你感受到
get a a feel for people's intentions why
人们的意图，为什么
they're there in the first place just by
他们一开始就在那里 只是根据
experience
经验，
really he showed me the messages on his
他确实向我展示了他手机上的信息，
phone like from the people that he's
就像人们发来的，他
gifted this is not fantasy I fully fully
有天赋，这不是幻想，我完全
believe that what he is doing out there
相信他现在在那里所做的事情真的非常
right now is really very
real
真实，
making this film has been really hard
这部电影对我来说真的很难
for me it's brought up a lot of stuff
它让我想起了很多
from my past and it's made me question
我过去的事情，这让我质疑
what I thought I knew about HIV and HIV
我对艾滋病毒和艾滋病毒
prevention but over the last few weeks
预防的了解，但在过去的几周里，
it's become pretty clear to me that bug
我已经很清楚，bug
chasing is mostly taking place as online
追逐主要是作为在线
fantasy however there is a minority of
幻想而发生的，但是也有 在我在网上或面对面交谈过的所有人中，只有少数
people who are enacting this out in real
人在现实生活中实现了这一点，
life out of all the people that I've met
spoken to online or in person the
这些
stories are all deeply personal and as
故事都是非常个人化的，至于
for the reason why well it's
为什么它很
complicated but I think it has something
复杂，但我认为它有一些
to do with our shared experiences of
道理 处理我们
stigma and shame as gay men so I've come
作为男同性恋者所遭受的耻辱和耻辱的共同经历，所以我
back to the place where it all began for
回到了这一切开始的地方，
me so this churchard this park is where
这个公园是
I met the guy who gave me HIV coming
我遇到那个在那个时代给我带来艾滋病毒的人的地方。
into your sexuality in the era of HIV
艾滋病毒
and AIDS has had a profound impact on
和艾滋病对我们所有人都产生了深远的影响，
all of us you know I think the people
你知道，我认为
I've met are grappling with the same
我所遇到的人正在努力解决与
stuff that I've GRA with for the last 20
我在过去 20
years that all men who have sex with men
年里一直在努力解决的问题，即所有与患有艾滋病的男性发生性关系的男性。
who've been grappling with for the last
在过去的
40 years some people go to therapy to
40 年里，我们一直在努力解决这个问题。有些人接受治疗是为了
deal with life's complexities some
应对生活的复杂性，有些
people get into kinky I think we're
人陷入了变态的狗屎之中，我认为我们
all just seeking connection and
都只是在一个
community in a world that doesn't always
并不总是
make us feel that
让我们感到如此的世界中寻求联系和社区
welcome
欢迎